


Masquerade

by quinship



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, High School, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Popular/Outsider Dynamic, Self-Acceptance, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 02:11:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16845118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinship/pseuds/quinship
Summary: High school sucks and everyone has secrets... Sara's is just a lot more unconventional than everyone else's, meaning no one can know. Especially not her seemingly perfect twin.





	Masquerade

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Tis day 2 of ficmas! I hadn't planned on posting this bc i forgot i had this sitting in my completed folder for over a year! At the time, in English we were studying James Joyce and Sylvia Plath so the writing style is a bit experimental in several places, so be patient with 17 year old me's writing, please!
> 
> Originally i was going to sit on this because i do have a continuation in mind, but we shall see!

“… And these posters will be done in pairs, so everyone should grab a partner.” The biology teacher explained to the class.

Sara deflated upon hearing this and only half listened to the rest of the instructions which wouldn’t be a problem. They’d be getting a paper with directions and a rubric right after this, and besides; the reproduction of flowering plants was an easy concept for her. Group work was the hard part. She futilely surveyed her classmates. None of them would want to work with her. She was always the odd one out. Besides, there were thirty-one students in the class. And this teacher never checked if anyone was lacking a partner; merely giving out directions and accepting the work that was handed in.

She couldn’t completely resent the fact that she did all projects on her own; because her having to do every part meant that she understood all the concepts and had one of the highest grades in the class. Especially when compared to the fact that her classmates copied homework and shared test answers. Sara only caught snippets of test answers when people talked around her. So, relative to her classmates, who had an advantage, Sara’s grade was higher.

As soon as she received the paper with the directions and rubric, Sara retrieved the materials necessary to begin the poster, pulling out her headphones and turning on her Walkman so she could drown out the chatter surrounding her, hiding behind her long hair. She blinked hard and took deep breaths. If she didn’t, she might come close to crying. And Sara’s number one rule was to never cry at school; never let them see that anything bothered her. Though, she highly doubted it would even matter. She’d just end up humiliating herself because nobody would care. They’d just ignore it and act awkward around her. So that made at least three reasons not to cry at school. Muffling her tears into a pillow while her sister made out with her boyfriend in the next room would be enough. Well, perhaps that last thought was unfair to Tegan. She wasn’t like that. If she knew Sara was upset about something, she’d have Jeremy leave so that she could attend to Sara. Perhaps today would be one of those days. Or maybe Sara would choose to deal with this alone… She did that sometimes.

Sara counted down the seconds until the bell rang, signifying the end of school for the day, and she was satisfied with the progress she had made on the poster. Working on it had calmed her down enough, so she was definite she wouldn’t cry in class. Maybe if she didn’t think about what had happened during class, she wouldn’t cry at all.

“Hey,” Jeremy walked up to her in the hallway. He had physiology sixth period. Sara took an advanced biology class that not a lot of students took.

“Hello,” Sara replied, looking up from her shoes in between locks of hair. The two of them made their way to the hallway that held the math classes to pick up Tegan.

“Hey babe,” Tegan half-jogged up to Jeremy, and the two kissed in the middle of everyone. This was an everyday occurrence that Sara still couldn’t ignore. Sometimes she had to look away, others she just looked at them through her hair. She was smart enough to not let her emotions seep into her facial expression, but sometimes she couldn’t help but watch so she could later fantasize… Between her sheets; under the protection of nighttime or under the hot, steamy spray of the shower. 

Compared to Sara, Tegan was the school elite; superior in everything social. Not that Sara wanted what Tegan had. There were always people over, and Tegan rarely had a weekend free of any social engagements, including dates with Jeremy. No; Sara didn’t fancy constantly being talked to, never being alone, and having no truly close relationships apart from a boyfriend. She had nothing against Jeremy, but she had wondered when he and Tegan would break up as soon as they’d started dating. That was the Halloween after she and Sara had turned fourteen. It was March now, and they were seventeen.

Sara could still remember that night. It was middle school, and they were all going trick-or-treating for their last year. They were hanging out at a mutual friend’s house at a “party” where they were dropped off and picked up before and after going out. Sara was annoyed with the way Tegan and Jeremy had been acting with each other. Sara wasn’t sure why she cared… Maybe she was jealous? Maybe she wanted someone to act like that with. But not Jeremy. 

She recalled having wanted to walk next to Tegan while they went from house to house… but Jeremy was next to Tegan, and they had told Sara to go away while they giggled together. She didn’t like it, but what choice did she have?

At the party afterward, she had noticed that Tegan and Jeremy were acting weird and secretive. She tried not to care, but she couldn’t help but notice when they had both disappeared, and had mentioned it to the others, who giggled and snickered, which answered none of Sara’s questions, so as some sort of revenge, she stole a few handfuls of candy out of Jeremy’s unattended pillowcase of candy, and gave him all the things she disliked, picking out certain types .

Tegan had this strange smile on her face after she and Jeremy reappeared, which made Sara suspicious, though she said nothing. Even after their mother took them home, and they took their turns showering and getting ready for bed, Tegan was still smiling… 

Because Sara needed to think and pace, she let Tegan go first. But when she returned to her bedroom after showering and donning pajamas, she found Tegan sitting on her bed. 

“What do you want?” Sara had asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I need to tell you something.” 

Sara’s had gut dropped, her face going slack, but for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why. “What?”

Tegan’s smile and eyes were shining like the moon, and this made Sara’s heart beat faster. 

“Jeremy asked me out earlier… and we kissed.” Tegan had replied, whispering as though this was an amazing secret. There had been a hint of triumph to the happiness she emitted.

“Oh…” Sara had replied, her voice falling flat. “Cool. I won’t tell Mum.” For some reason, she felt deflated.

Later, the two of them concluded that Sara was just jealous that Tegan had a boyfriend, and she didn’t, which is what their therapist suggested, but later that year, Sara had realized that she was gay. So perhaps she had been jealous that Tegan was comfortable in heterosexuality. 

But the fact had refuted this was that Sara couldn’t help staring at Tegan; that her twin made her heart beat; that Sara touched herself to the mental image of Tegan moaning underneath her, their lips meeting, the shape of Tegan’s body that Sara could discern from underneath baggy clothing... With this, it soon became futile to deny that Sara had more than just sisterly feelings for Tegan. 

Sara grew increasingly detached from her peers with the knowledge that she was dirty and perverted for having inappropriate feelings towards her twin sister. She held no ill will towards Jeremy… She couldn’t bring herself to blame him for something that wasn’t his fault… To be angry at him for being the one who’d asked Tegan out and gotten yes as the answer and maintained a relationship with her would be cruel. Sara didn’t need to be a douche bag or hold a rivalry towards him just because she was jealous of his relationship with her sister. She could either shut Tegan out or be as close to her sister as she dared. 

The latter sounded more appealing to Sara because it would allow her to fantasize about Tegan coming to her and confessing to having feelings for Sara. And Tegan would cry because Tegan always did cry so easily. And Sara would respond by finally kissing Tegan, and they would start a secret but passionate relationship, and only love each other for the rest of their lives. Sure, there would be minor trials and tribulations, but they wouldn’t give up on each other. They would figure it out and conquer each day together.

Of course, guilt and shame did regularly hit Sara, especially after the high of her orgasm faded. It was like having an exciting, wild party, but looking at the giant mess after everyone left, and the music was off, except a million times worse because her sexual fantasies were about her sister, whom she faced every single day. Sara couldn’t help but imagine Tegan finding out what Sara was doing and growing horrified. Sara felt like a predatory monster when these thoughts killed the satisfaction after giving herself an orgasm, so if she was in bed, she’d leave and go wash her hands. If she was in the shower, she’d just wash herself off again. But god help her if she went into the bathroom to wash up and ran into Tegan… Those nights, Sara would go back to bed and cry from the guilt that ate her alive. 

There in the hallway, the reminders of her fantasies immediately caused her to imagine if everyone knew what she was thinking… What they would say… Unfortunately, Tegan kissing her did not break the spell; she and Jeremy coming up for air and gesturing for Sara to follow them to Jeremy’s car did. Like always, Sara sat in the backseat. She didn’t feel up to contributing much to the conversation and only replied when one of the sickeningly happy couple spoke directly to her. 

Sara had thought about vicariously having a romantic relationship with Tegan through Jeremy, but she decided that it would only work in a world where she was Jeremy’s sister and could advise him. Being Tegan’s sister, she was really only able to hear about Jeremy, which obviously was not her goal. Sara had never been interested in what Jeremy was like as a lover; in fact, it had helped her figure out being gay and in love with Tegan. Sara hadn’t previously known how strongly she could feel disinterest and irritation about hearing the girl she was in love with talking about her boyfriend, but being in love with Tegan was really teaching her a lot about herself. 

Upon arriving home, Sara made the snap decision that she needed to be away from Tegan and Jeremy for a while. The familiar negative feelings were whispering at her, like she was two steps away from being burned as a witch. 

Into her room Sara went, headphones placed over her ears, music played. She pulled out her folder so she could start her homework, but her headphones fell off just enough to expose how quiet her room was; unable to cover up the giggles of Tegan and Jeremy next door as they talked about mutual friends and their invitation to a group movie date, and how Tegan was playfully refusing to go see a horror movie, and Jeremy assuring her his lap was open for her to jump into and that he’d protect her from lousy special effects and makeup. There were pauses where Sara could infer that they were kissing. 

She let her headphones hang around her neck as she turned off her music and let out a painfully audible sigh. She was lonely. God, why couldn‘t she just be normal?

Like always, Sara allowed herself a few minutes to feel bad about it and buried her feelings in math and science homework, with some history, French, and English to compliment it. Sure, a lack of friends and social life felt terrible, but at least she finished her homework soon enough to study and got plenty of sleep when she wasn’t lying awake feeling awful about herself. 

Once her homework was done enough for the day, Sara moved her hair behind her shoulders and plucked her newest library book from her nightstand. The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving. She was introduced to his works by seeing the movie of “The World According to Garp” and being curious to read the book. She found she liked his writing, so she read all of his bestsellers. She knew _The Hotel New Hampshire_ had an incestuous relationship between the brother and the sister, so she had put off reading it. Sara took a deep breath, put her hair in a ponytail, and opened the book. 

‘The summer my father bought the bear, none of us was born…’ The first couple of pages, and Sara was intrigued. John Irving taught her not to get too caught off guard and to accept literally anything she came across in one of his novels, which was part of the fun of reading him. 

Sara stayed up late reading the book but because of how long it was, she fell asleep reading it and it took two more afternoons for her to get through. She was slowed by going to school, doing homework, and having to engage with others. She didn’t want anyone to catch her reading this book, just in case they had seen the movie and judged her for reading something so nasty. She always felt like she had to hide John Irving books from others lest she be judged. She figured they already thought she was weird; no need to confirm those beliefs even further. Though, nobody would dare vocalize any of that around Tegan. Nobody wanted to be the one to upset Tegan. 

Perfect Tegan, with that nice boyfriend, all those friends and activities, and who got out of the house to be a good kid, and never got caught smoking pot, nor did she ever refuse Sara’s request for her to get her some acid, nor did she demand to be paid back. Pristine Tegan, who was flawed but still did everything—even the bad kid stuff—right. Immaculate Tegan. 

Upon concluding the book, Sara tossed it to the foot of her bed and simply lay there for a while, letting her hair fall into her face. She didn’t know what she should have expected… 

That night she fantasized about having a sex marathon with Tegan, one hand down her underwear, the other tugging at her own hair, tossed over the pillow as not to get in the way. Unfortunately, this masturbation session did not provide the lustration the printed words had seemingly promised. Instead, Sara hungered for more stories that made her feel less like a pervert and monster. She knew she couldn’t stride up to a librarian and confidently inquire about books containing incest. Her next goal was _Flowers in the Attic_ , but she wasn’t sure where to go after that. But she didn’t trust the library to not raise an eyebrow at the seventeen-year-old girl who had previously read a long list of lesbian-themed novels and moved to John Irving and then smoothly transitioned into incest. Sara felt enough like a debauchee as it was; she didn’t need the library alerting her mother of her literary habits, which would likely cause her to have to resume seeing a therapist again. 

A while after Sara had realized that she was in love with Tegan, she decided that seeing a therapist really would not help her, as she could never truly be honest with anyone about this. Sonia had grown tired of Sara’s resistance and gave up. Tegan came along for the ride and enjoyed Sara’s triumph, though she obviously didn’t know the real reason Sara put her foot down. 

With this in mind, Sara decided to go to a used bookstore in a pair of sunglasses, hair covering her face, pay with cash, and hope for the best. Of course, she had to get there, and she didn’t want to ask her parents because they would ask questions she didn’t want to answer. No, she’d have to ask Jeremy. It was fine because he was a genuinely nice guy, but Sara just wasn’t used to asking him for things. 

And of course he said yes; that way he could get Tegan some coffee in the bookstore and be an even better boyfriend. Sara bought her own plain black coffee, decaf because she didn’t need any caffeine to add to her anxiety. 

Eventually, she successfully found a copy of Flowers in the Attic and decided to fuck it and just buy the copy of The Hotel New Hampshire that was there. She genuinely loved the book; she just needed a happy ending as an insecure teen. She would cling to anything she could get her hands on because she was tired of being lonely. 

While Sara preferred Franny and John’s story, Cathy and Chris had some semblance of a happy ending, and that’s what Sara needed. It made her feel lighter and less guilty. She felt so much better that she decided she wanted to third-wheel with Tegan and Jeremy, just so she could be next to Tegan.

Sara didn’t care too much that Tegan was discussing prom. Well, she was interested because Tegan cared, but anyone else, and she would have zoned out. 

She was caught off guard because Tegan had bought her a ticket without letting her know. 

“Tegan, what? Why?!” Sara asked, flabbergasted. 

“I know that you probably don’t want to go, but I thought I’d buy you a ticket anyway, just in case you changed your mind. I know that you don’t exactly have anyone to go with, I just got it to make sure you could go, in the event that you wanted to…” Tegan explained quickly. She offered a small smile, and Sara remembered again why she was in love with her sister. Tegan was so sweet… irresistible…

“Thanks…” Sara replied softly, unable to keep from smiling back. “I appreciate the gesture.” 

With that, Tegan lit up and pulled an unsuspecting Sara into a hug. She couldn’t help but enjoy the physical contact but had to pretend as though she didn’t appreciate Tegan just grabbing her out of the blue. Was Tegan like this with Jeremy? Sara couldn’t stop herself from hoping yes… But then again, girls were sweet and touchy because that was just friendship. That didn’t mean Tegan wanted what Sara did. 

Sara reread her favorite parts of her two incest novels again and again. She felt human. She wasn’t perfect, but she no longer felt disgusting and subhuman. Even if Tegan didn’t love her back, Sara could appreciate the beauty of her love for her twin. She let herself spend more time with Tegan. They did homework together and talked about things. Tegan was perfectly happy to allow Sara to be her best friend at home. At school, Tegan was occupied, but at home, she was Sara’s. It was satisfying, especially considering that Sara used to overhear Sonia asking Tegan to be nice to Sara, and include Sara because Sara didn’t have friends and Sara needed to be included because Sara was too fragile to be excluded. Poor, poor Sara.

It was in Tegan’s nature to be kind, but Sonia apparently hadn’t been completely satisfied with Tegan just being the person she was. Sara had fallen in love before Tegan had started being extra nice to her… It was a mere bonus. 

Some evenings they spent sitting on Tegan’s bed as her room grew dark with the sunset, each nibbling their own pot brownie, and talking about whatever, locked away from their parents. 

“Sometimes I think I might not like Jeremy the way I should…” Tegan confessed out of the blue one day. She had simply shoved her brownie in her mouth and chewed and swallowed it a while ago. Sara had been taking a small bite of her own every now and then.

“Wait… I thought the two of you were happy…” Sara murmured, confused. 

“I want to be… I have everything I should have… I have friends, a boyfriend, good enough grades… But sometimes it’s like I wake up in the middle of doing something like I’m at a game with my friends, and I’ll be like… what am I doing here? I don’t really like basketball or football… And I’ll look around and wonder why I’m friends with these people… We spend a lot of time with each other, we listen to the same music, and we share homework and weed… But we don’t talk about anything deep, so do we really know each other, even after what, six years of going to school together? And yet I don’t know their real feelings or insecurities or what philosophical theories they subscribe to… And then I’ll feel like I’m beginning to unravel and will stop thinking about it and just put that part of myself back to sleep... I’ll tell myself anything to make myself go back to sleep… But when Jeremy and I are having sex and I have moments where I wonder if every girl feels like that when having sex with her boyfriend… I’ll need extra time to get wet enough, or we’ll have to rely on the lube on the condoms… Like he sometimes has to go down on me before he can put it in…”

Sara just sat there, stunned as she listened to every word her sister spoke. Sara envisioned it as feeding into a speech bubble above Tegan’s head. 

“Why don’t you do something about it?” Sara found herself asking. “Break up with him? Stop hanging out with them?” 

“But what’ll that leave me with? I… I can’t be alone.” Tegan shook her head. “I need them, or else what do I have?”

“Me,” Sara whispered. 

“What?”

“You’ll have me. You always will. Don’t forget that.” Sara reminded her sister softly. She felt the magnetic urge to kiss Tegan, but she resisted because she knew she shouldn’t and that it wouldn’t be right. So she kept her hands to herself because Sara was a good sister to the perfect shell that housed Tegan, the fearful girl whom Sara still loved, inside and out. 

Sara had never mastered the shell of perfection to hide in, because she didn’t know how to incorporate friends, and she feared that she couldn’t fit inside, but a disguise was still a disguise even if it only covered half of her face. 

But Tegan… Tegan was an expert at looking and acting the part. She sometimes even submerged herself in the part and only rarely did she need to come up for air. Sara couldn’t hold her breath as long as Tegan but was fascinated by the skill.

“Thanks… Sometimes I forget to count you as a friend since I’m so used to having you around... It’s like I forget that you’re not an extension of me.” Tegan admitted.

“I sometimes forget that we’re the same. I see you as someone so different from me.” Sara moved her hair behind her shoulders to get it out of her way. “I guess I see you as better than me sometimes… Which, if you think about it, is honestly natural because that’s just the way people view the objects of their d—” Sara stopped herself as her voice began to run amok and almost ruin her life. She glanced down at the pot brownie and tossed it near the trash can, not caring if she made it in… she couldn’t eat it. Not after what she had nearly just oh-so-casually admitted. 

“Objects of their what?” Tegan asked, furrowing her brows. 

Sara shook her head. “Nothing, I… Why don’t you take a nap… I need to take a shower.” 

“No, tell me!” Tegan playfully whined. “What were you about to say?”

“Never mind,” Sara muttered, getting up and leaving Tegan’s bedroom, bowing her head so she could hide behind a curtain of her hair. “It’s not important.” She shut the door behind herself and let out a breath. Fuck. 

If Tegan hadn’t consumed an edible, she probably would have been able to figure out what Sara had been about to say because Tegan might have been a lot of things, but she certainly wasn’t dumb. 

In the shower, Sara braced herself against the wet tile of the wall, breathing in the hot, steamy air. She wanted to cry, but instead bowed her head and rested it against the wall, just letting the hot spray hit her naked body. She wished that she could cry, but just couldn’t. She wished that she could, what with what she had almost done… Almost ruined everything between her and Tegan. Not that Sara had genuinely believed she and Tegan had any possible future together, but this moment had reminded her that in between the two of them ran a deep river, fed by Sara’s non-sisterly feelings, and how close she came to the edge of the bank of land and almost fallen in and been swept away and drowned. She had no idea how Tegan felt about incest… Nor was she sure how Tegan felt about her… But it sounded like Tegan was confused enough about her perfect life, perfect boyfriend, perfect friends, perfect school activities, perfect taste in media… 

However, this gave Sara a glimmer of hope within a world of bleakness… Tegan was confused about things, and wasn’t sure if she genuinely enjoyed them… Then maybe, just maybe, there were feelings inside her that were too bright for Tegan to look at directly. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe Sara had a chance, maybe she wasn’t alone in her debauchery. Maybe.

Sara wouldn’t have said she felt better after her shower… Just not as terrible. An optimistic person might see that as better, but the glass was still half empty, as far as Sara was concerned.

The next morning, as they sat side by side on the porch step waiting for Jeremy to pick them up, despite the chill, there was still Sara’s omitted word between them. Tegan remembered, even though she had come down from her high, and how could Sara forget? She had awake in her bed for hours thinking about it.

Desire.

Sara would not speak first. Because Sara was the quiet and deep one. That meant Sara was sensitive even though she never cried or showed emotion in front of others. Sara didn’t have friends, aside from ones that Sara mooched off Tegan, because Sara wasn’t good with people her own age, nor was Sara good with people in general. Because Sara was antisocial, and this made Sara sensitive and fragile. And Sara couldn’t handle starting conversations. Especially when Sara was talking to her sister, so Sara couldn’t lead in any discussion about feelings, so Sara had to be guided by the hand.

Honestly, she wanted to forget that she had almost said something to Tegan that might lead her to believe there were inappropriate feelings there, and by extension wished Tegan would forget. She couldn’t stop thinking about it, so she might as well not talk, because beware the Freudian slip, where she’d drop and break her relationship with her sister. 

In fact, the entire reason Sara was outside at all was because she had wanted to get some fresh air and maybe some quiet, but Tegan had come outside too, and Sara didn’t want to go back inside, lest she look like an asshole. So she was trapped exactly where she didn’t want to be, though she supposed the one piece that made it better was that their parents couldn’t hear… But sound carried, so she worried that maybe others would overhear. But Sara wasn’t even sure that Tegan would want to talk… But maybe that was the entire point of Tegan coming outside with Sara… But Sara wasn’t sure… Maybe Tegan wanted to be away from their parents too, or maybe Tegan was just being the follower she was.

“So… When we were high last night… What were you saying?” Tegan asked slowly.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. 

“Nothing. I was just high.” Sara lied. 

“You weren’t as high as I was.” Tegan pointed out. “It sounded like something. What was it you were saying?” Tegan might have been a lot of things, but she certainly wasn’t dumb.

“It’s not important.”

“We were talking about our relationship and our feelings… It involves me, therefore it is important.” Tegan was a lot of things, and smart was one of them. “I can’t remember your exact words… I just… You cut yourself off, but I know you remember what you said.”

“Tegan, I don’t want to do this.” Sara leaned forward, her forearms on her knees, her hair falling forward into her face. 

“That might be true, but we need to do this,” Tegan replied, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Please, just stop, Tegan.” This wasn’t so much as a plea as it was an order as Sara internally curled up like an armadillo around her heart. “I don’t want to do this in the morning.” 

“When do you want to do this, then?” Tegan was the one pleading. 

“Never!” Sara snapped.

“Well, we will need to do this, because I can’t just go on not knowing, so if you never want to do this, then we might as well do it now.” Tegan pointed out. 

Sara set her jaw. “Will you leave me alone if I finish the word I cut myself off on?” She offered, deciding to lie.

“Ok… I’ll accept that.” Tegan said with a sigh as she relented. “Tell me now, though.”

“Ok, the word—” Sara began, ready to lie her ass off.

“No, look me in the eye,” Tegan commanded. 

Sara was startled but sat up straight and turned her head so that her face was facing Tegan’s. But before she could open her mouth to finish what she was saying, Tegan was moving Sara’s hair out of her face, and now Sara was forced to look her sister in the eyes. Her beautiful, fantastic sister. The one she was in love with. 

Her lips trembled slightly as she struggled to part her lips, and with Tegan’s eyes on hers—god, she couldn’t remember the last time they had made such eye contact—Sara could not lie, and it slipped from between her lips as a whisper that would have gotten caught in the wind if there had been any:

“ _Desire_.”

Sara’s eyes couldn’t help but flicker down to Tegan’s lips before she crashed her eyelids together, squeezing them and turning away, bowing her head again. She felt like she was about to be ruined. 

Suddenly looking at her sister made her feel like a pervert… a predator. But the tears that wanted to flood out of her could not make an appearance. So she pulled herself together, heart pounding in her chest. She was too afraid to look at Tegan… Even to glance through her hair to gauge how Tegan felt, or if she had done the arithmetic. Tegan might have been a lot of things, but she certainly wasn’t dumb, and suddenly, this was a dangerous quality. 

Jeremy arriving in his car to pick them up felt like a lifeboat even though she would be stuck riding with Tegan. But Tegan would never mention what Sara had said in front of her boyfriend, whom she was admittedly afraid of losing. And Tegan wouldn’t dare mention anything at school… So Sara was safe until they got home again, but maybe then she’d build up a plan. 

Throughout the day, Sara tugged at her hair. She’d always wanted to get it cut short, but never had the courage to actually go about it. Perhaps part of her feared that it would be too much if she did that on top of everything else. She wasn’t just asocial; she also wore baggy clothes from the boy’s section. And she didn’t just dress like a stoner, she was also gay. And she wasn’t just gay, she was also in love with her twin sister. And she wasn’t just in love with her twin sister, she also might have just admitted it to her. So Sara supposed she would have to forgive herself if cutting her hair seemed to be a step too far, with everything else she had working against her. It might be the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

The school day went by too quickly. Sara, for once, wished that she didn’t have to leave. Heart pounding, as she met up with Jeremy, she suggested to him that he give Tegan some quality time, and that said desire had been revealed to her when high the previous evening. Jeremy, bless his good heart, accepted the suggestion, and asked Tegan if she wanted to come to his place after they dropped Sara off. Tegan seemed confused but accepted. 

Perhaps Sara was no longer safe for Tegan to cry confess about her confusion to, so she would anchor herself with Jeremy’s touch. Not that Sara blamed her, she thought as she pulled out _The Hotel New Hampshire_ to bury herself within the pages of. 

She pretended to fall asleep early. Sonia didn’t try waking her up, but Tegan slipped into Sara’s room after their parents had gone to bed. The room was dark, and the shadow of Tegan in front of Sara’s door was scarier than any horror movie. To have to face the girl she’d been in love with since she was fourteen… To have to own up to her feelings… The prospects of what could happen terrified Sara, so she laid still enough to be dead, and engineered innocent breathing.

“You can give up the act.” Tegan muttered. “I know you’re awake, Sara. I want… I need to talk.”

But Sara laid still and kept her eyes shut. She tried to breathe shallowly enough to pass for slumber, but deep enough to calm her pounding heart. 

“I… I need to know the truth. Do you have feelings for me?” Tegan asked, voice quivering. She sounded on the verge of tears. 

Sara lay there for a moment and didn’t breathe. “Why do you want to know?” She found herself asking. “You have a boyfriend.”

“I…” Tegan’s voice broke. “I’m confused, and I need to… I need to try sorting things out.”

“How would knowing if your gay twin sister had feelings for you help you sort anything out?” Sara’s voice was slightly husky. She sat up and took a drink of water. 

“I don’t know,” Tegan whispered. “I just know I can’t stand not knowing for sure.” 

That elicited a pang from Sara’s heart, but she wasn’t ready to just roll over for Tegan. Not unless she knew a treat was waiting for her at the end. “What, so you can run around telling people and throw me under the bus?”

“No. I… I just don’t know what I’m feeling. Sara, I’m scared. Please, just tell me how you feel.” Tegan sniffled like she was crying, which she probably was.

“Tegan, I think you already know the truth.” Tegan might have been a lot of things, but she certainly wasn’t dumb.

“I… I need to hear you say it,” Tegan whispered, before clearing her throat and speaking normally. “Sara… Do you have feelings for me?”

“Yes.” It was Sara’s turn to whisper. “I… I’ve been in love with you since we were fourteen, at least.”

Tegan wordlessly left the room.

“Good night, Tegan,” Sara muttered, before turning on her light so she could do homework until her eyes burned and she collapsed into bed with her clothes on. 

Tegan avoided Sara as much as possible, which Sara had been afraid of, but it wasn’t exactly shocking. At least she hadn’t cried wolf, painting herself as a meek little rabbit. But even if that happened, Sara would willingly fly over the cuckoo’s nest, because she knew who she was and what she wanted, and wouldn’t give that up for anyone, but even so, she had to keep an eye out for old Number One, because Tegan could so easily give her a kiss and then collect her silver coins. 

With all of this in mind, Sara swallowed her feelings and gave Tegan as much space as possible. What other choice did she have?

Sara felt uncomfortable during the car rides to and from school, so she put on her headphones, playing her Walkman and pretending to read an innocent book; not one with lesbians or incest… Some good old Agatha Christie because murder mysteries were safe. 

During lunch, Sara sat in the hallway, eating and fantasizing about running away. Sure, she was only seventeen, but it was her imagination, so she was free to run as far away as she could, with no need for a driver’s license, passport, or adult status. Inevitably, her imagination let her dream about Tegan missing her and regretting the way she had treated Sara. But in this fantasy, Sara was over her twin, because it was her imagination, and she could do or be in it what she pleased. And so in her imagination, she would have a leather jacket to go with her doc martens and a motorcycle. She’d meet a girl at a bar, and they’d fall in love and run away together, and that girl would get Sara to settle down, and they’d live happily ever after… Only, the girl had to be nice, like Tegan. She had to have hair as soft as Tegan’s. Her eyes had to be the same hazel-brown as Tegan’s, and her smile had to measure up to Tegan’s. 

She couldn’t help her feelings… It would have been easier if she could just get over her sister… But Sara knew if she could have, she would’ve done so already. So, with a frustrated sigh, Sara gave up. She couldn’t stop how she felt, so there was no trying. 

Sunday night, Sara awoke to someone coming into her room. She sat up, her heart pounding. 

“Who’s there?” She had an idea of who might be, but it was best to ask, just to be sure. 

“I don’t feel for you like that,” Tegan said, seeming to be trying to convince herself of that fact. “I… I love Jeremy. He’s my boyfriend.”

“Why are you telling me this? And why at midnight?” Sara asked, rubbing her eyes. Her sleepiness was giving her the upper hand, so she could sound just aloof enough to have a chance at driving Tegan crazy… Perhaps mind games weren’t right to play, but Sara didn’t care. She’d behaved for so long… She was allowed to set traps to trick Tegan into showing how much she cared.

Tegan didn’t respond.

Sara let out a sigh. “Can I go back to sleep now?”

“No, I… I want you to know I don’t return your feelings at all and I… I’m not into girls.” Tegan seemed to be struggling with her reply. 

Sara rolled her eyes and almost sighed again. It seemed Tegan wanted to compete in dealing out mind games, but Tegan wasn’t a player. She was a victim falling into Sara’s traps. “That’s fine, Tegan. I just want to go back to bed, right now.”

She heard Tegan exhale with frustration. “Fine.” She sounded defeated, and with that, Tegan exited the bedroom. 

Sara laid flat on her back and stared up at her ceiling through the darkness. She couldn’t find any joy within herself over Tegan clearly being confused. Sara was just tired emotionally. She tugged at her hair, wishing it was shorter. God, it was so long. 

Tegan and Jeremy erupted into an argument in the front seat of the car about something small and stupid. Sara turned off her music, but kept her headphones on and kept on staring at the words on the page of the book. She wasn’t exactly pleasuring in their problems, but she felt like this sort of concerned her, though she would never tell Jeremy that. None of this was his fault. She supposed it was hers, but Sara refused to blame herself for every little thing that had happened. She wouldn’t hate herself for falling in love. She had done nothing wrong. She had respected Tegan’s space and only confirmed that she had feelings for Tegan after being asked. Sara refused to feel like a predator anymore. Her fantasies remained in her head, and they only affected her. 

Because there was trouble in paradise, Jeremy dropped them off instead of spending time with Tegan. Sara sighed, wondering what Tegan would do this time. Once they were inside, Tegan rushed up to her room. Sara slowly followed behind. She dropped her backpack off in her room but knocked on Tegan’s shut door. 

“What?” Tegan snapped. 

Sara opened the door but didn’t cross the threshold. “Is there something you want to ask or tell me? I don’t want to get woken up in the middle of the night again. It kind of interrupts my sleep as you might know…”

Tegan lay on her bed, writing in what Sara knew to be her journal. “Leave me alone, Sara.”

“I’m just saying. I like my sleep.” Sara shrugged nonchalantly but shut the door. If Sara didn’t play mind games with Tegan, she’d be on the receiving end. And for her to be on the receiving end wouldn’t help.

Sara took a nap before dinner and stayed up late doing homework. She shut off her light after a certain point and used a flashlight to do her work. She used a black hoodie to cover the crack between the door and the floor. When she heard feet padding towards her door, Sara covered the flashlight until the door opened. Then Sara uncovered it and aimed it at Tegan’s feet.

There was a gasp from Tegan, who hadn’t been expecting Sara to be awake with a light. 

“I told you, I don’t like it when you interrupt my sleep.” Sara murmured calmly. 

Tegan quickly shut the door behind herself. “Turn it off!” She hissed. 

“It’s not in your face or eyes, it’s fine. Nobody else is awake. Relax.” Sara crossed her legs, resting her left arm over the top of the back of her chair. Her body was turned to face the doorway and, by extension, Tegan. She held the flashlight in her right hand. 

“I… I can’t talk if the light is on,” Tegan muttered. 

“What, because you need another layer to hide your feelings under? Tegan… I’m the one who could get sent away. I’m the one who wrote about my feelings extensively in my diary and owning books about sibling incest. You can paint yourself as the victim. You have a boyfriend, friends. You’re literally the perfect child. I’m not. I’m the one at risk here. So, there’s really no need for you to hide your feelings. I’m the last person to expose someone else for having incestuous feelings.” Sara was tired of dealing with everything. Sure, she could have dropped all of it, Tegan hadn’t seemed to want to do that. So there they were. 

“Sara… I’m confused.” Tegan admitted, sounding on the verge of tears.

“That much I gathered,” Sara replied dryly. “But why does this concern me? Why are you coming to my room in the middle of the night?”

“Because I thought it would make me feel less confused. But… I guess giving into urges only makes them stronger.” Tegan crossed the room and sat down on Sara’s bed, wrapping her arms around her legs, tucking her knees under her chin.

“What is it you want?” Sara asked. She supposed she would be stuck holding Tegan’s hand as she took all of her baby steps. God, Sara loved her, but Tegan could also make her so angry…

“Can you kiss me?” Tegan pleaded. “I just want to know what it feels like. To-to kiss a girl, and, um… to, um… to kiss, well, you.” Her nerves were present in her voice. She sounded so vulnerable and scared. But just because Sara was in love with her didn’t mean that she would do literally anything for Tegan. Sara still had to keep an eye out for Number One, though she knew with confidence she wouldn’t be lobotomized. Her heart might be broken, and she might wish to be, but Tegan had nothing to gain by betraying her. 

“Tegan, I don’t want to be your experiment,” Sara informed her sister softly. “Just go back to bed.”

Tegan seemed at a loss for words. “Sara, please… I need this.”

“And I can’t risk this. Tegan, you have to know what’s at stake for me… I might only be seventeen, but…” Sara trailed off, knowing she was only using those as a shield. “And… To be perfectly honest… Those aren’t the real reasons I can’t. I… I’ve been in love with you for at least three and a half years. Sometimes it slept and I could pretend like everything was normal other times, I had to isolate myself from everyone, even you because I couldn’t handle my feelings. I have fantasized about kissing you and so much more. I can’t just kiss you and have it not affect me. It would crack open three and a half years’ worth of fantasies, dreams, feelings, wishes, tears, hopes, and heartbreak. I can’t just do that to myself.” 

“I’m sorry.” Tegan murmured. She wordlessly got up and left the bedroom. 

Sara turned off the flashlight and flopped down in her bed. 

Two days later, Jeremy and Tegan broke up because a mutual friend caught Tegan kissing another friend, who happened to be a girl during class. Sara heard every word of their breakup in Tegan’s bedroom. The ride home had been full of tension, and Sara could tell that Jeremy was angry, but he wasn’t the type to get violent. He needed to get it out of his system, which was fair. He had experienced betrayal by his girlfriend of three and a half years. 

When the door closed, Sara leaned against the doorframe to eavesdrop because she wouldn’t deny herself this. She was technically a catalyst for the situation, but in refusing Tegan a kiss, she hadn’t forced her twin to make out with Heather in the bathroom during fifth period. This concerned her, but Jeremy didn’t need to know that.

Sara compared this to listening to a radio show, but this one was actually relevant to her life, and it was real, and all for her.

Jeremy: “I want an explanation, now.”

Tegan: “I was confused; I needed to figure things out. You have every right to be mad at me.”

Jeremy: “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Tegan: “Because I was scared!”

Jeremy: “Tegan… Did you not trust me with you being confused about your sexuality…? We’ve had sex countless times… I would have been there for you. Instead of talking about it, you betray my trust like this?”

Tegan: “I’m sorry! I just-I couldn’t say it out loud. And I was scared of losing you.”

Jeremy: “So you go behind my back to make out with Heather?”

Tegan: “Yes… I’m sorry.”

Jeremy: “God, Tegan… I… What else are you hiding, huh? Might as well tell me. Not much else could shock me, right now. I never ever thought you would do this.”

Tegan: “Jeremy, I…” 

Sara stiffened. Tegan wouldn’t.

Jeremy: “There’s something, isn’t there?” Silence. “You were my first love, and now my first heartbreak.”

Tegan: “Please don’t leave me!” 

Sara felt these words grate into her soul.

Jeremy: “Tegan, what am I supposed to do? I… What is the truth? Do you still even want to be in a relationship with me? Are you in love with her?”

Tegan: “No, I don’t like her like that… She just… She was there, and she was willing, and I’m kind of attracted to her… But I don’t love her. Not at all. I love you, Jeremy. I was scared. Not just for me, for us. I had to know. I’ve been confused for so long, and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. But please, please, don’t leave me. I love you.”

Jeremy: “I need some time… I’ll call you.” 

Sara stood upright as she heard him going for the door. She didn’t have time to move as he came out into the hallway. Her heart pounded as they made eye contact. 

“I’m sorry.” She said softly. She glanced into her sister’s room to see Tegan, standing there crying. “You know which side I’m obligated to take. But I’m sorry.” 

Jeremy sighed and nodded. “Thanks.” And then he left. 

Sara turned to face Tegan. “I still stand by my decision the other night.”

“God, do you have to rub it in?” Tegan choked out.

“You’ll live. If I thought you couldn’t take it, I would hold and comfort you, but this is something you need to figure out on your own.” Every muscle and Sara’s body wanted to comfort Tegan, to kiss her cheeks until the tears stopped, to lay with and hold her, but her bones knew what was right.

“Sara, I think I’m in love with you.” Tegan blurted out. 

“Make amends and break up with Jeremy. And then we’ll see.” Sara replied softly. “For now, I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

“You’re just trying to pour salt in my wound.” Tegan spat, balling up her fists.

“No, I’m trying to protect myself from heartbreak.” Sara smiled sadly. “I think that’s something I have a right to do.” With that, she slipped into her bedroom. When the door shut, Sara leaned against it and took deep breaths. Tears flooded to her eyes. She had asked for this to happen, but not in the way it was. She’d wished for Tegan to have feelings for her, but not like this. She had pleaded for Tegan and Jeremy to break up, but not like this. She had fantasized about Tegan being upset about something so that Sara could be the hero and comfort her, but not like this. God, not like this. 

She never should have admitted to Tegan that her feelings were that of love. Sara felt like a fool who had just wizened up to the harshness of reality. 

When she was fourteen, she would have given anything for this chance. Three years later, Sara had standards. 

Despite this, Sara cried. This just couldn’t be easy, could it? Life had to be messy and difficult. 

She raked her hair out of her face and trudged over to her bed so she could cry into her pillow. It was too late to try getting over Tegan; she concluded. There was a chance that maybe, just maybe, they could somehow work out. Maybe something would come of this… And even if it didn’t, Sara would just have to get over it. Perhaps, she hadn’t really tried to get over Tegan; not applying any real effort… Sara was willing to criticize her fourteen-year-old self, who loved the high of unrequited love. She was responsible for herself, and all of this was her fault. She should have tried harder to move on. 

Jeremy still took them to school the next morning, which was surprising. Sara sat in the passenger’s seat in the front, because she didn’t think Tegan in that position was the best idea. She and Jeremy made small talk, but the elephant in the room made everyone uncomfortable. The ride home was the same. 

After a few days of this, Jeremy got out of the car when dropping them off at home, which Sara took to mean that he was willing to talk with Tegan. So Sara took her place outside of Tegan’s bedroom door and listened. They knew she was there, but there was no point in attempting to prevent it. Besides, Tegan knew Sara should be in on what was said, because, it concerned her, not that Jeremy needed to know that. 

“Jeremy… I really am sorry for cheating on you. But, I-I love you as a friend; not really as a lover.” Tegan said slowly. 

“I saw this coming a mile away,” Jeremy admitted. 

“Yeah… It’s kind of hard for a lesbian to love a man in the romantic sense.” Tegan replied a flavor of hesitancy to her words. “God, I can’t believe I just referred to myself as a lesbian… You’re the first person I’ve said that to.”

“I’m,” There was a pause. “I’m happy for you, Tee. You know I am.”

“Thanks, Jer. I’m sorry it was like this. I’m glad you were my first real boyfriend. And my first… Well, you know. I want you to know though… I still want you in my life. I want you to be my best guy friend.” 

“I’d love that. And… If I’m perfectly honest… I think I might be gay too.”

Tegan let out a happy but tearful laugh. “Wow… Maybe that’s why we liked each other.” Things were coming together for Tegan. Touching.

Sara could hear them hugging and slipped into her room to do homework. It was a while before Jeremy left, but Sara was fine with that. They needed to catch up as friends after being lovers for so long. As lovers, people hid more because they wanted to give the other person a more refined version of themselves. Besides, it had been a while since she’d heard Tegan laugh like that. Might as well let her sister be happy. 

After dinner, Sara showered and got dressed in her pajamas. She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror for a moment. Then, she picked up a hairtie and put her wet hair in a ponytail. She’d have to get it cut soon; it wasn’t fun putting it up like that. 

There was a knock at Sara’s bedroom door, right after she went back in with her dirty clothes. 

“Yes?” She turned towards the door, having just disposed of her dirty clothes into her hamper.

The door opened to reveal Tegan, also in her pajamas. “Hey… Want to hang out?” Tegan smiled shyly, which was rather contagious because Sara couldn’t help but smile too.

“Sure, I’d love to, actually. C’mon.” Sara sat down in the middle of her bed, and Tegan sat across from her. “So how are things with Jeremy?” They had to start somewhere, and Sara sort of wanted to gauge what Tegan was hinting towards. 

Sara lost track of time as she and Tegan had a continuous conversation that went on and on into the night. They talked for so long, about anything and everything, that they fell asleep on Sara’s bed together. The next night was like that too. Except, this time, Sara noticed when the clock struck midnight.

“It’s a new day.” She said, half joking.

“Yeah… I’m hoping I’m not too late, though.” Tegan bit her lip nervously. 

“No, I waited for you,” Sara assured her sister, smiling shyly. “Apparently, I’m a lot more patient than I or anyone else gives me credit for.”

“Thank you, for giving me more than one chance…” Tegan whispered, her voice cracking. 

“I couldn’t help myself,” Sara admitted. “I’m not sure I would have been able to bring myself to get over you unless I didn’t have you in my life. And I don’t think I could ever walk away from you… You’re too mesmerizing.” 

Tegan’s smile was so happy that she seemed like she was about to cry. “I didn’t realize others didn’t feel like their sister was the most attractive person they knew. I thought everyone felt the way I did… and then I realized… people don’t find their twin sisters captivating. I think, all my life, I’ve loved you and been in love with you… I just didn’t realize it until recently.” 

Sara stared at Tegan, enchanted. Her head tilted slightly, and slowly she kissed Tegan softly. 

Their eyes met when they broke apart. Both of them smiled and they tenderly kissed each other again and fell asleep next to each other once more. 

Tegan urged Sara to go to prom, despite Sara’s protests. 

“Come on, it’s our last year of high school, why not go?” Tegan rolled her eyes. They sat on Tegan’s bed together after school.

“Because it will not be fun. Besides, wouldn’t you rather go out together in the dark and make out? We can’t do that at prom.” Sara pointed out. 

“How do you know it’s not going to be fun? Leadership’s really springing for something nice this year. It’s a Mardi gras theme.” Tegan practically draped herself over Sara.

“They will play boy band music, and when they finally play couple’s music, I won’t be able to dance with my girlfriend because guess what? She’s my sister.” Sara replied, rolling her eyes back. 

“Let’s just go… we can leave at any time. We can just try it.” Tegan’s fingers traced Sara’s cheek.

“Fine.” Sara leaned over to kiss Tegan. “We can go.”

So the two of them did end up going to prom, in Mardi gras masks, Tegan in the dress she had gotten to go with Jeremy in, denim jacket, and sneakers, Sara in a suit and sneakers, her finally hair cut short. Both of them accepted a couple of strings of beads and wore them around their necks. Sara lurked near the walls, watching her girlfriend/twin, a smile on her face. The music was too loud, but she was honestly just biding her time until she and Tegan could leave.

“Hey, Jeremy,” Sara said. They were as far from the speakers as possible, but they still had to speak up. 

“Hey,” He replied. And then he leaned into her ear and said, “If you don’t stop staring at Tegan like that, everyone will know.” 

Sara choked and looked at him in horror. He looked pleased with himself… way too pleased. 

“I’ve spent a lot of time around Tegan and by extension, you. I know what jealousy looks like. Relax, nobody else knows.”

“You’re not mad?” She asked. 

“Well, considering Tegan and I are both gay, no. But I wondered… Did she cheat on me aside from that time with Heather?” 

“No, she would come to my bedroom in the middle of the night to convince herself that everything was normal, that she was. At one point she asked me to kiss her, but I refused. That’s why she kissed Heather.” Sara explained. Her cheeks were flushed red. “So, yeah, I think everything between you two was kind of my fault indirectly.”

“Well, we were bound to break up,” Jeremy replied, shrugging. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. You two are my friends… I help my friends. I don’t call the police on their unconventional relationships.” 

Sara smiled at him and moved in for a hug which he reciprocated. 

“Thank you so much.” She said, growing emotional. He patted her back, and Sara pulled away, laughing with happy tears in her eyes. 

“Hey! Having fun?” Tegan asked as she approached. 

“To be honest, no,” Sara called out back. 

“What, do you want to leave?” Tegan placed a hand on Sara’s shoulder. Her face wasn’t easy for Sara to read. 

“Basically, yes.” Sara replied. “You can have a few minutes to say goodbye and stuff, obviously. We don’t have to leave immediately.” 

“Ok, I’ll be back soon!” Tegan turned on her heel and moved back into the crowd. 

Sara and Jeremy watched her. 

“I see you’re helping her to not be afraid of being who she really is,” Jeremy said in her ear. 

“Maybe it’s the mask,” Sara replied. “I never let myself wear one. Though…” She touched her short hair. 

“I get it. I’m glad I shaved my beard.”

“Love is supposed to set you free. We might have to hide our relationship, but we don’t have to hide ourselves.” Sara mused. She stood, deep in thought, until Tegan came up to her again with her backpack, and tugged her along as they left. Sara glanced over her shoulder to wave to Jeremy. 

They joined hands as they left the school, without removing the masquerade masks. They jogged through the dark parking lot to the Crescent Heights Park. They strolled along until they found a tree with a large trunk to hide behind. 

“I like this better,” Sara remarked. “A lot more moonlight and I can do this.” She leaned in and kissed Tegan. “And… Nobody knows who we are… They’ll just see a teenage boy and girl in masks.” 

“Man… I’ve always wanted to carve my initials into a tree…” Tegan traced the bark with her fingers, looking at all the other things that had been carved into it. 

“Why not do it now?” Sara asked, reaching into the backpack pouch and pulling out a Swiss Army knife. 

“What if we get in trouble? They’ll know our initials…” Tegan wrung her hand anxiously. 

“Not if we only do our first ones, dummy.” Sara teased as she went to work, using the moon to guide her work, roughly carving the “S+” portion. She passed the knife to Tegan, who carved the two lines. “You got the easy one. Now we have to make a heart around them.” Sara remarked. “You make half, and I’ll make half.”

“Ok,” Tegan was grinning. 

When the heart was complete, they kissed again. 

“Do you want to dance?” Tegan asked. 

“No, it’ll be weird.” Sara wrinkled her nose. 

“Not even if I have music?” Tegan leaned down and pulled out a pair of headphones and placed them around Sara’s neck. She plugged them into a Walkman and clicked till she got the song she wanted and turned the volume as high it would go.

“’Follow You Follow Me?’” Sara raised her eyebrows. 

“Yeah, like it?” Tegan asked shyly, as she placed her hands on Sara’s shoulders, and Sara’s hands went to her waist.

“Well, I love Phil Collins, even in Genesis, so yes. I’m just surprised by your selection.” Sara explained.

“It came out twenty years ago this year… I figured it’d be… right.”

“You picked it, so it’s right,” Sara assured her. 

Tegan smiled and leaned in to capture Sara’s lips with her own. 

“I guess we’re just dancing in the dark.” Sara joked. 

“Better than the light,” Tegan replied, lost in the moment. “I never want the sun to come up.”

“We have time,” Sara promised. “I’ll be with you when it happens, I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think! XOXO


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